Navigating the Korean Language: How to Address Strangers

In the Korean language, you can’t politely call someone “YOU.” Not even strangers. Not even colleagues, sometimes. If you’ve never heard that before, you’re about to.

As someone who’s learned Korean, speaks it fluently, and has been to Korea 17 times, I’ve fumbled through a few awkward moments so you don’t have to. If you’re planning a trip to Korea and want to avoid an accidental offense, this one’s for you.

We’ll explore Korean honorifics and etiquette, why you can’t politely say “you,” and how to address strangers without offense.

Note: I originally published this post in January of 2024. I’ve recently updated it to include better, more relevant information for you.

---

Korean Language’s Strange Nuances

If you know anything about the Korean language at all, you might have heard about 당신 (Dang-shin), which is technically the polite version of “you,” quite similar to “Usted” in Spanish or “Vous” in French.

This is why it’s sometimes mistakenly used by beginners, but with all the nuances and unspoken subtext of Korean speech, it’s more often than not a no-go. Let me explain.

Why “You” In Korean Isn’t So Simple

Just like in the Romance languages, there are 2 versions of “you” in Korean.

너 (Neo)

Sometimes 니 (Ni) depending on the speaker’s preference, is the most casual form to address your conversation partner.

This is used only if said partner is 1) a family member with whom you have a good relationship, 2) a much younger person, or 3) a friend with whom you both agreed to use casual speech.

당신 (Dang-shin)

Technically, the polite version of 너, but it is only used under two friendly circumstances. Only two.

One is between married couples whose relationship didn’t start as friends (If it did, they would very likely call each other 너, does that make sense?).

Two, in advertisements or neutral messages designed to address an ambiguous person in the audience.

Understanding Korean Social Hierarchy

In Korea, the social hierarchy plays a pivotal role in shaping interactions. The key is about showing respect and understanding the subtleties of the culture. Here’s a quick intro:

• Age Matters: Older people are treated with a higher level of respect. It doesn’t matter if it’s a year gap.
• Status Counts: A person’s social status, be it a job position or educational background, influences how you address them.

Why Not to Use 당신 (Dang-shin)

Unless Dang-shin is used under one of the two circumstances I mentioned earlier, it immediately turns into an offensive, accusatory pronoun. Fun, isn’t it?

Wait… But Duolingo Taught Me This?

And here comes the backbreaker… If you start to learn Korean on Duolingo, it will teach you to use Dang-shin to say “you.” No explanations whatsoever.

On the one hand, understandable because how else would you teach someone how to address someone else quickly and clearly enough?

On the other hand, not quite ideal, which is why I will teach you exactly how to address a stranger, an acquaintance, or an older person politely.

Other Ways to Say “You” (Without Offending)

So, you’ve been told to avoid 당신 (Dang-shin). What now? How do you call a waiter over when you need something at dinner? What if you run into a sweet person at the coffee shop, and you have to address them? Oh dear, you’re done for…

No, you’re not. Thanks to Korean culture’s gazillion nuances, alternatives are lining up for you!

Easiest Way: Drop the pronouns completely. Unlike English, the Korean grammatical structure does not rely on pronouns for complete sentences. If you’re talking directly to someone, the words you or I are barely ever used. If anything, you’ll sound unnatural if you use them too often.

The Vague Option: If you know nothing about the person you’re talking to, and you get to a point where you HAVE to address them, saying 그쪽 (Geu-jok), meaning “that side,” instead of “you” is safe.

Respectful Terms: 아저씨 (Ah-jeo-ssi) for a middle-aged man, 아줌마 (Ah-jum-ma) for a middle-aged woman are handy terms if the person fits these criteria. These are all used to call someone, as well as replace every “you” that needs to be said during the ensuing conversation.

Kinship Terms: These are only used either with an actual family member or with a good friend with whom you both agreed to drop the honorifics.

• 오빠 (Oppa): K-Pop and K-Drama fans, heard this one before, haven’t you? This means an older brother (or a man slightly older than you) if you’re a woman. Also used to call older boyfriends.
• 언니 (Eon-ni): Older sister, if you’re a woman
• 형 (Hyeong): Older brother, if you’re a man
• 누나 (Nuna): Older sister, if you’re a man

Same Age? Just say 너 (neo), the casual “you.”

When and How to Use Titles and Positions

When in doubt, titles are your best bet:

At Work: 부장님 (Bu-jang-nim) for your department head or manager, 회장님 (Hwe-jang-nim) for a conglomerate group president, 사장님 (Sa-jang-nim) for a single company president, restaurant owner, or sometimes even restaurant manager are often used.

In a Formal Setting: 선생님 (Seon-saeng-nim), which means a teacher, or 교수님 (Gyo-su-nim), which means a professor, shows both respect and awareness of a person’s status.

Practical Examples

Let’s paint a picture of everyday scenarios:

In the Marketplace: Approach the vendor with a polite “아저씨” (Ah-jeo-ssi) or “아줌마” (Ah-jum-ma) followed by what you need, and drop the pronouns for the rest of your conversation.

At the Office: Address colleagues by their position or, if they’re your age, just use their name followed by 씨 (sshi), which is similar to mister or miss.

New Friends: If you struck up a conversation with them directly, or the other way around, you’ll very likely avoid using any pronouns until you find out what their name is. Then continue with their name, followed by 씨 (sshi).

One-off Random Stranger: Let’s say someone drops their wallet in the subway station and you see it. Yell 저기요! (Jeo-gi-yo) and let them know without using pronouns.

This also works with calling staff at restaurants if you’re not sure whether or not someone’s the owner or just a worker.

Final Thoughts on Addressing People in Korean

Addressing others in Korean is a real muscle memory exercise. It takes practice, but once you get the steps, it just happens naturally.

If it makes you nervous, don’t forget that the point is always about your intentions toward the culture and the connections you build.

Foreigners always get a pass to some degree. So, relax, do your best, and watch as the locals correct your mistakes with a smile on their faces!

Common Questions About Korean Language Etiquette

Do Language Posts Spark Joy?

I have more on Korean, specifically! Check out my Korean phrases or Korean words for travel.

Otherwise, you can pick my brain on how to retain new languages more effectively, or check out the rest of my language and communication guides.

Planning a Trip to Korea?

I recommend starting with my guide on where to stay in Seoul, things to do in Seoul, and what to eat in Seoul. Put together a bucket list and go from there.

For a well-rounded collection of planning resources and ideas, head over to my South Korea Travel hub.

📌 Pin this for later

Sharing is caring!